GGAD通信集 第27章 The Twenty-sixth Owl From A

February 2nd, 1982

公元1982年，二月2日

Gellert,

盖勒特，

My sincerity is mine, to do with as I will; if I spend it on an old, angry friend, that is my choice. And— I have more of it than you think, I swear, somehow I do. I always try to be better.

我的真诚是我自己的，我会按自己的意愿处理；若我把它花在一个气冲冲的老朋友上，也是我的选择。且——我发誓，我拥有的真诚比你认为的多，不论我怎么做到的。我永远在试着变得更好。

As for England spawning a Dark Lord—

至于英格兰培育出了一名黑魔王这件事——

I'd had my suspicions, ever since I first met him. He was eleven; I was sent to contact him, in the Muggle world, inform him of his acceptance into Hogwarts and a world he'd never known. Even then, he was hungry, suspicious, cruel just under the surface. Off-putting. Sorted into Slytherin, and I wondered; and I thought of keeping an eye on him. But I was such a meddling, sanctimonious old bastard, wasn't I? Always poking my long broken nose into other people's business, always making things worse when I did.

自从我初次会他，就有了不祥的预感。他那时十一岁；我被遣往麻瓜世界去联络他，去通知他他被霍格沃茨与一个他从来不晓的世界接纳了。甚至那时候，他的外表之下就潜伏着**、可疑与残忍。真真的令人忧心。令我好奇的是，他竟被分到了斯莱特林；我想过密切关注他。但我可是这样一个多管闲事的，祥装圣洁的老卑鄙小人，对吧？永远伸着我折断的长鼻子探听人们的私事，行动时又永远让事情变得更坏。

He learned, he grew, into what he was to become, at Hogwarts, even as I taught. He made his first Horcrux right under my selfsame nose, and I wasn't paying attention. Because Europe was groaning under your yoke; because I wrestled with the necessity of challenging you; because I didn't want to meddle in yet another child's life.

在霍格沃茨，他学习，他成长，甚至可以说在我的教导下渐渐成为了他现有的样子。同样是在我鼻子正底下，他制出了第一个魂器，我竟还分毫未晓。因为欧洲正在你的枷锁下呻吟着；因为我必须竭尽全力对抗你；因为我不想插手又一个孩子的人生。

Oh, I tell myself it wouldn't have made a difference if I had. Or that it would have made things worse. But my country fell to a Dark Lord until— yes, stopped by an infant— because I didn't stop him soon enough, because I didn't stay his hand when he was still a child, still learning his ways. Because I was trying to be better.

哦，我告诉自己若我真的干预了也不会有什么不同。甚至会更糟。但我的国家到底沦入了一名黑魔王之手，直到——是的，终于一名婴儿——因为我没有尽快地阻止他，因为我没有在他尚是孩子，性格尚未定型时就让他停手。因为我在试着变得变好。

In a way, it seems the thing I miss the most about those months we had together, however selfishly, is how I could let you command me. Abdicate responsibility at all; it's not a choice I have anymore. And you've been left with no responsibilities whatsoever.

在某种程度上，虽这是自私的，但不得不承认关于我们共度的那几个月的记忆中我最思念的还是任我自己由你摆布的感觉。完全不用担负责任；再也不用我一个人做选择。而你最后则毫不负责任地离开了。

I suppose we each envy the other. And I suppose we have nothing left to say to each other but denials and rejections. I— wish it were otherwise, at times.

我猜我们是彼此羡慕着。我也猜我们之间除了否定与拒绝之外没剩什么可谈了。我——有时，真的希望这不是真的。

当时泛泛而读感触不深，但是真的认真翻译的时候……早到第五封信就在为AD难受。

也许殿堂在未建成之先就已毁塌，悲剧在未开始之前便已注定。

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第27章 The Twenty-sixth Owl( From AD)